I frowned at God

Brrr - cold tears.
This morning involved a car too cold to start and a subsequent emotional breakdown. I had my car plugged in overnight because it wouldn't start yesterday. It still wouldn't start this morning, so I had Sam try and jump-start me. No workey. And it's not even that cold yet.

So, as I often do nowadays, I started crying. Right there in my cold cold car. (I don't recommend crying outside when it is -15ºC.) It was all frustration. I worked hard at my crappy old job this summer to save up for a car that doesn't work in the cold. Living in Calgary, where it is cold for much of the year, this is frustrating. I can't get to school. Assignments are looming and I need to spend time in the library to complete them. Doesn't look like that's going to happen this week.

In my upset state this morning, I frowned at God and said, "What the heck?"

Accounting.
Job was facing trouble far worse than my own when he said,
     "If only I knew where to find him;
          if only I could go to his dwelling!
     I would state my case before him
          and fill my mouth with arguments.
     I would find out what he would answer me,
          and consider what he would say." (Job 23:3-5)

I often go to God feeling like I have a pretty good case for myself. It's easy to make myself out to be a hero. I worked hard to buy a car, so it should work. I put a lot of energy into school, so I should be able to succeed. If I could only find God's front door, I would knock on it and let Him know all of these things. Surely he would take my arguments into account and have something to say for Himself.

Right?

Well, no. It's not right. The reality is that God is not accountable to me. The all-knowing, all-powerful creator of the universe and author of my life does not owe me an explanation for anything. Who am I to discredit His justice? To condemn Him to justify myself (Job 40:8)? Am I adorned in glory and splendor, clothed in honor and majesty (40:10)? Heck no - I'm a filthy mess of a person.

Who I am not.
All around me are reminders that He is God and I am not. The mounting piles of snow outside my door, the big Rockies on the horizon, the holy book that currently sits on the counter. I do not understand all of the things of God; they are too wonderful for me (42:3). But I know that the simple truth of His goodness is worth putting my hope in.

When things come up and I find myself thinking, "What the heck?," I need to remember that He is God and I am not. He is perfectly good and I often just don't get it. It's OK, I don't have to get it. God gets it and He's working for my good. That is a good enough answer for me.

Today, something frustrated me and I reacted wrongly. I know that things can be much worse than having a stubborn vehicle in the morning, and I know that my reactions in worse situations tend to be proportionately bad. But, if I can learn to react to the little things in a way that rightly shows who God is, then maybe I will be able to react to the big things in similar fashion.

In sum, God is good.